Dec 10 2008
DETAILED 4th STEP (pt3)
Because of the intense nature of what we are doing here I wanted to give you a few days to complete the assignment. Now we will move on to some more things that must be done.
We need to get into our resentments. Today I will list some of the areas that we tend to hold resentments and then tomorrow we will do some work with these areas.
Selfish
- Not seeing others point of view, problems or needs
- Wanting things my way
- Wanting special treatment
- Wanting others to meet my needs- dependence
- Wanting what others have
- Wanting to control- dominance
- Thinking I’m better-grandiosity
- Wanting to be the best
- Thinking others are jealous
- Wanting others to be like me
- Being miserly, possessive
- Wanting more than my share
- Reacting from self loathing, self righteousness
- Too concerned about me
- Not trying to be a friend
- Wanting to look good or be liked
- Concerned only with my needs
Dishonest
- Not seeing or admitting where I was at fault
- Having a superior attitude-thinking I’m better
- Blaming others for my problems
- Not admitting I’ve done the same thing
- Not expressing feelings or ideas
- Not being clear about motives
- Lying, cheating, stealing
- Hiding reality-not facing facts
- Stubbornly holding on to inaccurate beliefs
- Breaking rules
- Lying to myself
- Exaggerating, minimalizing
- Setting myself up to be “wronged”
- Expecting others to be what they are not
- Being perfectionistic
Self Seeking
- Manipulating others to do my will
- Putting others down internally or externally to build me up
- Engaging in character assassination
- Acting superior
- Acting to fill a void
- Engaging in gluttony or lusting at the expense of another person
- Ignoring others’ needs
- Trying to control others
- Getting revenge when I don’t get what I want
- Holding a resentment
- Acting to make me feel good
Frightened (of)
- Peoples’ opinions
- Rejection, abandonment
- Loneliness
- Physical injury, abuse
- Not being able to control or change someone
- My inferiority, inadequacy
- Criticism
- Expressing ideas or feelings
- Getting trapped
- Exposure, embarrassment
As you read through this list you should think about how and if these things apply to any relationship that you now have or have had in the past. Do not try to do anything other than just to think about it in preparation for tomorrows exercise.
Disclaimer= This section in no way attempts to replace the advise of a counselor. If you are seeing a counselor then you should follow their advise and do as they suggest. This is a detailed 4th Step for those who are truly ready to face the reality of themselves. This should really be done with a sponsor to guide you or a minister or someone who will not let you beat yourself up. I am only putting the information out here because it is so hard to begin a 4th Step when you do not have a clue what they are looking for. This is merely a guide and NOT set in stone way to do a 4th Step.
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