Mental Health Humor

Codependency   A view that those that live with an addict also suffer some of the symptoms associated with addiction. This can be self esteem, self independence, and image issues.

For a list of symptoms see the page at the top of this blog.  As a codependent we become addicted to the addict and many times we turn to the addiction ourselves.  We tend to site the old adage: “If you can’t beat them, join them.”  It is very hard for outsiders to understand how we can be so “in love” with someone who is such a mess.  The truth is that we do not feel that we can do any better.  We also fall for the lie that we deserve this type of relationship.  By that I mean that we think so little of our self that we actually believe that this is our lot in life and that we have no other choice.  We have come to believe that this is the best we can do for ourselves.  We also tend to believe that if we love the addict just right that they will change their behavior.  We blame ourselves for their addiction and we try to love them out of it.  It is our fault they are the way they are and it is up to us to change them.  We wil change our whole lifestyle and belief system just to please the addict in our life.  

Codependency is as much a disease as addiction and needs to be treated as such.  There is help for those of us stuck on this roller coaster ride.  Many find help in Al-Anon.   Al-anon specializes in helping the ones who love an alcoholic or drug addict.  There are also codependent 12 Step meetings available.  During our recovery we learn that we can not change other people, places, or things.  We can only change the way we choose to react to a situation.  We learn to stop trying to fix the addict and start fixing ourselves.  We also learn to stop making excuses for the addict.  We learn to let them face their own consequences without our rescuing them continuously.  We learn to love and respect ourselves.

Many addicts also suffer from codependency and should look into Al-anon later in their recovery process.  There is also the option of counseling.  Without knowing your personal situation I would not begin to tell you if you need counseling but I would say that if you think you do then by all means go see one.  If you are also using you need to stop and may need help with that as well especially if you think you might be an addict too.  Check the list of symptoms and be honest with yourself as to whether or not they apply to you.

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